As my time at CAIS draws to a close I have been reflecting on how grateful I am for the opportunity to work at the school. I have had many transformative experiences and learned things that will set me up for a lifetime. However, there is one thing I keep coming back to. The most profound lesson I have learned at CAIS is what it takes to be an extraordinary parent when your child needs you most.
My daughter, Ruby, was just seventeen months old when I began working at CAIS. Despite being in education and being a student of child development for many years when Ruby was born, I felt drastically unprepared to be a parent. I read even more books on child development and parenting, however, it was not until I started working at CAIS did I truly learn to be the parent Ruby needs me to be.
You never know when life changing moments are going to occur. One of these moments occurred for me within weeks of starting at CAIS in 2011 at one of my first parent meetings. The parents were meeting to update me on their child’s learning differences. I was struck by the absolute belief and trust they had in their child and in the school, especially when the mother looked at me and said, “My child is going to be the first child with dyslexia to graduate CAIS.”
I was inspired and thought, “That’s sort of parent I want to be.” Over the last few years I have had hundreds of meetings with parents about topics that represent particularly high stakes in childhood—behavior, social and emotional growth, and academics. In each of those meetings I look for something that I can take away that will help me become the greatest father to Ruby that I can possibly be. As Ruby enters kindergarten in the fall I would like to share with you the three main lessons I have learned from parents who have helped their children thrive and in turn have inspired me.
The reasons these lessons resonate with me is I know there is likely going to come a time when something occurs with Ruby that will completely blindside Chris and I and we are going to feel ill equipped to deal with it. Situations like this happen to most parents. Sometimes they happen when our children are in elementary school or much later in high school or post college. Whenever these situations occur, I want to be ready for them. I hope the advice I have learned from others will help you in these moments too.
1. Create Alliances
The first lesson I learned is effective parents create strong alliances with those who work with their children. These relationships are built on a mutual purpose and trust. These alliances are not always easy or comfortable but they remain focused on what is in the best interest of the child.
2. Early Intervention
The second lesson I have learned is effective parents seek whatever support their children need to be successful. We have a well-staffed and experienced student services team at CAIS. Despite this, there are times the school needs more information or assistance to help the child thrive. In these situations I have learned that the best thing to do is to focus on early intervention and information gathering.
3. Seek Solutions
The final thing I have learned and this is the one that has affected me the most. The parents whose children overcome the biggest obstacles are solution focused. They never blame others for their child’s situation. Successful parents advocate and challenge others and have pushed our school to be a better school and me to be a better educator by focusing on solutions. When I meet with parents and they focus on solutions, I know in my heart that their child is going to be okay.
Some of the most rewarding moments of my career are a result of the most challenging situations I have faced alongside parents. I have learned so much about how to parent my own daughter and her life will be more loving and rewarding because of the parents I have met at CAIS. Being there when our children need us most is the most important thing any of us can do. I will be forever grateful for the lessons I have learned and the transformational impact the lesson I have learned from CAIS parents have had on my life.