From Feeling Overwhelmed to Feeling Inspired: My NWAIS Fall Conference Presentation

This past week, I had the privilege of presenting at the Northwest Association of Independent Schools (NWAIS) Fall Conference in Tacoma, Washington. My workshop, titled "From Feeling Overwhelmed to Feeling Inspired," focused on a topic that is both timely and crucial for educators: how to manage the inevitable stress that comes with caring for students while maintaining a sense of personal purpose and fulfillment.

During the session, I shared five research-based strategies, systems, and tools that high achievers across various industries employ to stay energized, mindful, and effective. These tools are specifically designed to help teachers optimize their energy levels and incorporate simple mindfulness techniques to stay grounded in the midst of chaos. I also discussed practical systems for managing the overwhelming number of daily tasks educators face.

I also highlighted the power of journaling as a way to stay grounded. Journaling allows educators to reflect, process emotions, and clarify thoughts, which can lead to greater self-awareness and a deeper connection to one’s values and purpose. It’s a simple yet powerful tool that helps us pause, reflect, and find meaning in the work we do.

I designed this session to provide practical, actionable takeaways that any educator can implement in their daily routines. Whether you're an experienced teacher or just starting your journey, it’s essential to have the right tools to manage stress and maintain a clear sense of purpose. We all know the challenges that come with this profession, but with the right strategies, we can move from feeling overwhelmed to feeling inspired and fulfilled. You can access the resources I shared here.

Navigating the Complexities of Independent School Parenting: Insights from "Hopes and Fears"

In the illuminating book Hopes and Fears: Working with Today's Independent School Parents, readers are provided with valuable insights into the unique challenges and aspirations of parents in independent school settings. Drawing on their extensive experience and expertise, Rob Evans and Michael Thompson delve into the multifaceted dynamics that shape the relationship between parents and schools.

By examining the hopes and fears that parents bring to the table, the book sheds light on the intricate tapestry of expectations, anxieties, and aspirations that define this crucial partnership. Rob Evans and Michael Thompson explore a range of topics, including academic pressures, social-emotional development, and the evolving role of technology, offering practical strategies and guidance for educators and administrators.

"Hopes and Fears" serves as a guidebook for those seeking to cultivate strong parent-school collaborations. It underscores the importance of open communication, active listening, and empathy in fostering positive relationships that support the holistic growth of students.

This compelling book challenges educators to step into the shoes of independent school parents and gain a deeper understanding of their desires and concerns. By bridging the gap between home and school, it encourages collaboration and partnership in shaping a nurturing and enriching educational experience.

With its insightful observations and practical advice, "Hopes and Fears" is an indispensable resource for educators, administrators, and parents alike. It reminds us that by acknowledging and addressing the hopes and fears of parents, we can create an environment that fosters trust, open dialogue, and, ultimately, the success and well-being of every student.

Exploring the Dynamics of Change in Education: The Human Side of School Change

In Rob Evans' thought-provoking book, "The Human Side of School Change: Reform, Resistance, and the Real-Life Problems of Innovation," readers are immersed in a compelling exploration of the complexities surrounding educational transformation. Evans takes us beyond the surface of policy and systems, delving deep into the intricate web of human emotions, relationships, and attitudes that underpin any meaningful change process.

Drawing on his extensive experience as an educator and consultant, Evans uncovers the critical role of human factors in successful educational reform. He highlights the inherent tensions between innovation and resistance, shedding light on the real-life problems that arise when attempting to implement new ideas in the context of existing systems.

Evans masterfully intertwines research, personal anecdotes, and case studies, painting a vivid picture of the challenges educators, administrators, and stakeholders face. Through his engaging narrative, he invites us to question traditional approaches to change, urging us to consider the human side of the equation.

One of the key takeaways from Evans' work is the importance of empathy and understanding in fostering productive school change. He emphasizes the need for leaders to listen attentively, to acknowledge fears and concerns, and to involve all stakeholders in the decision-making process. By placing human relationships at the center of reform efforts, Evans advocates for a collaborative approach that values the voices and experiences of those affected by change.

"The Human Side of School Change" is a compelling read for anyone involved in education, from policymakers and administrators to teachers and parents. Evans challenges us to reflect on our assumptions, to examine our resistance to change, and to embrace the messy but essential journey toward transformation.

Ultimately, Evans reminds us that the success of educational reform lies not only in grand strategies and shiny new initiatives but in the hearts and minds of those who shape and experience it. By recognizing and addressing the human dimensions of change, we can pave the way for meaningful and sustainable innovation in our schools, empowering students and creating a brighter future for education as a whole.

Embrace Your Inner Hero: Illuminating the Stages of the Hero's Journey

I am delighted to share the video of my recent graduation speech, where I delve into the timeless concept of the hero's journey. Drawing inspiration from beloved sagas like Star Wars and Harry Potter, I weave together Joseph Campbell’s teachings and popular culture references to shed light on our own transformative paths. Discover the parallels between iconic tales and our quests for growth and purpose. Through the stages of the call, the quest, and the return, this speech reminds us that we can be the heroes of our own narratives. Join me on this journey and learn how to embrace your inner hero.

The Importance of Managing Energy

I became deeply interested in the work of Tony Schwartz and Dr. Jim Leor after reading the book The Power of Full Engagement in 2012. This book was recommended to me by a parent at my previous school, who is a CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. When I asked him how he managed his time leading so many people and having so many responsibilities, he answered, “It is not about time; it is about energy.”

Since then, I have delved into the work of Schwartz at The Energy Project and Loehr at the Human Performance Institute. I am absolutely convinced that if we want our students to reach their full potential, we need to be as conscious of periods of renewal as we are of periods of high-intensity work.

Human beings simply cannot work at high speeds continuously for long periods of time. However, there are many times when we forget this and push ourselves too far, ending up experiencing stress, illness, and breakdowns in our relationships both at work and at home.

If we want our students to perform optimally at school and achieve all that they are capable of, we need to be very conscious of how our students replenish their energy. It is paramount for us, their educators, parents, and family, to create rituals around downtime.

Although, as adults, we are often resistant to downtime and pass this resistance on to our children, many studies on high-performing athletes, students, leaders, and musicians show that rest is as important as hard work to long-term success.

Pushing our students too hard not only depletes them in the short term, but it also makes it difficult for them to learn and lays the foundation for habits that could be potentially damaging to their health and well-being.

I encourage you to meet with members of your school community to map out ways that ensure you can all switch between spending and regularly renewing energy. Ensuring children have enough sleep, boundaries around time spent on homework, relaxation and unscheduled weekends are all important to ensure that our students can give their best at school and reach their full potential.

I love this quote from Ester Buchholz, author of The Call of Solitude: "Others inspire us, information feeds us, practice improves our performance, but we need quiet time to figure things out, to emerge with new discoveries, to unearth original answers."

A Passion for Podcasting

When I was 18 years old, I moved to England and worked at a boarding school for a year before starting University. The year was 1994, and I had not yet heard of email or the Internet. I had to make friends quickly because I was a long way from home and calling Australia was extremely expensive! One of the boarding masters at the school had a book on his shelf by Dale Carnegie called How to Win Friends & Influence People.

This was the first “self-improvement” book I had ever read, and it changed my life forever. Mr. Carnegie wrote that the key to being a good conversationalist was being a good listener. He wrote, “I had listened intently. I had listened because I was genuinely interested. And he felt it… That kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone.” As a nervous 18-year-old, I eagerly followed Mr. Carnegie’s advice. In no time, I found that I was able to speak to anyone, at any time, because people indeed appreciate others listening to them and asking follow up questions. I quickly found that everyone has an absolutely fascinating story to share.

Over the last 25 years, I have loved meeting new people and asking them questions to better understand what they think, why they do what they do, and how they have overcome the inevitable obstacles that were set in their paths.

In 2005, I started listening to podcasts, and since that time I have loved absorbing thousands of podcast interviews with people from all walks of life. I have been fortunate enough to work at some excellent schools around the world and have always been humbled by incredible stories of those in the communities in which I have worked.

A few years ago, I began thinking about how I should create a podcast to share the stories I gathered during my time at Lake Forest Country Day School. We launched the LFCDS Community Podcast in the fall of 2019 and it was a great success.

When I accepted the position of Head of School at Davidson Day School I knew I wanted to start a Davidson Day podcast as a way to tell the school’s story. We are now partnering with Resonate Recordings and they are producing our new podcast which gives each episode an even more professional sound.

Podcasting is a tool that can be utilized as part of a broader communications strategy to tell a school’s story, and create conversations and “buzz” in the broader community. It has been rewarding to hear people, both inside and outside of the Davidson Day community, share how much they enjoy each episode and look forward to new ones being released.

The Davidson Day Community Podcast is available through Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.

The Power of a Marketing Video for Independent Schools

In today's digitally driven world, the importance of an effective marketing strategy cannot be overstated, especially for independent schools aiming to stand out from the competition. One powerful tool that can significantly impact enrollment numbers and enhance brand recognition is a well-crafted marketing video.

In the fall of 2022 at Davidson Day we spent considerable time planning and creating an "anthem video.” This video beautifully encapsulates the essence and spirit of the school, showcasing the unique aspects that make it a remarkable educational institution.

The video serves as a testament to the power of visual storytelling. From the first frame to the last, it skillfully weaves together stunning visuals, testimonials, and uplifting music to create an emotional connection with the audience. The video effectively communicates the school's values, academic excellence, extracurricular opportunities, and vibrant community.

Through a combination of carefully selected shots and authentic student voices, the anthem video showcases the school's commitment to fostering a nurturing environment. It highlights the personal growth, academic achievements, and friendships that students experience at Davidson Day.

By leveraging the anthem video, we were able to capture the attention of prospective families and create a lasting impression. The video has been widely shared across social media platforms, reaching a broad audience and generating greater interest in the school. It has become a valuable tool for the admissions and advancement teams.

The impact of the anthem video extends beyond enrollment numbers. It has played a vital role in building brand recognition and enhancing the school's reputation within the local community and beyond. The video has become a source of pride for students, parents, and faculty, reinforcing a sense of belonging and unity.

The success of Davidson Day's anthem video highlights the transformative potential of a well-executed marketing video for independent schools. It exemplifies how a carefully crafted visual narrative can effectively communicate a school's values, culture, and educational offerings. When coupled with strategic distribution and promotion, such videos can elevate an independent school's visibility, attract the right audience, and drive enrollment.

Retaining Students, Nurturing Success: The Impact of a Retention Committee in Independent Schools

In the ever-evolving landscape of independent schools, retaining students is paramount for long-term success. The Enrollment Management Association believes a retention committee plays a crucial role in achieving this goal by implementing strategies, analyzing data, and fostering a supportive environment. Let's explore why a retention committee is vital for independent schools.

A retention committee helps develop and execute comprehensive retention strategies tailored to the unique needs of students and families. By examining data, trends, and risk factors, the committee can proactively address challenges and create an environment that promotes engagement, satisfaction, and student success.

The committee plays a vital role in early intervention and support for students facing academic or social challenges. By meeting regularly and working closely with teachers and counselors, they can identify at-risk students and provide necessary resources, mentorship programs, or academic support services.

A retention committee facilitates collaboration among various stakeholders, including administrators, teachers, trustees, parents, and students. By involving these key players, the committee gains diverse perspectives, fosters a sense of ownership, and ensures that retention strategies align with the needs and expectations of the school community.

Effective communication is crucial for fostering positive relationships with students and parents. The retention committee establishes communication channels to gather feedback, address concerns promptly, and keep families informed about initiatives, resources, and opportunities available within the school.

A retention committee sets measurable goals and tracks the success of implemented initiatives. By monitoring retention rates, assessing student satisfaction, and analyzing qualitative and quantitative data, they hold themselves accountable for achieving positive outcomes and continually improving retention efforts.

In the competitive landscape of independent schools, a retention committee plays a crucial role in fostering student success and maintaining a thriving educational community. By implementing comprehensive strategies and collaborating with stakeholders, these committees pave the way for long-term retention and growth.

The Power of a Personal Mission

During my first few years at the Chinese American International School in San Francisco, the school rewrote its mission and, during the process, dramatically altered the direction of the school in many positive ways. We subsequently looked at programs through the lens of the mission, using it to guide our hiring decisions and help with our strategic planning.

This experience taught me just how powerful and inspiring a mission could be. I wondered why I had not developed a written purpose for my life. Two decades earlier, I had first read of the importance of a personal mission statement in Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I had just never taken the time to write one.

Over the next six months, I read numerous personal mission statements of leaders I respected while slowly working through the FranklinCovey Mission Statement Builder to create my mission statement.

The result not only helped me stay grounded and balanced during challenging times over the next seven years, but it also enabled me to set meaningful goals. My mission statement acted as my personal North Star, guiding my life in beautiful and profound ways.

I was recently reflecting on the need to revisit my mission statement to ensure that it captured where I am today and where I want to go. I spent several mornings early this summer writing a more concise mission statement that resonates with me deeply. Now, when I review it each morning, my heart is filled with hope and possibility. My new mission statement is:

• Love deeply

• Create great schools

• Help others reach their dreams

I encourage you all to take the time to write your own mission statement. FranklinCovey’s Mission Statement Builder is a great place to start, but you might also be amazed by how powerful it is to carve out an hour to answer the question, “What is my life’s purpose?”

Atomic Habits

My grandmother used to weave large, intricate tapestries. When I asked her how she created them, she would say, “A little bit often.” This led to me being fascinated with habits and how small tasks done repeatedly over time can create incredible change. Two books about habits I love are The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy and The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Both of which I highly recommend.

Over the winter break, a friend mentioned he was thoroughly enjoying the book, Atomic Habits: Tiny Changes, Remarkable results. I eagerly downloaded Atomic Habits from Audible and began listening to the book. I was utterly blown away. This is the best book I have ever read on how to create and maintain habits that last. I have since listened to the book twice, purchased the Kindle and hardcover editions as references and signed up for the online course based on the book called The Habits Academy.

There are numerous amazing quotes in this book, and one of my favorites is, “It is so easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making small improvements on a daily basis. Too often, we convince ourselves that massive success requires massive action. Whether it is losing weight, building a business, writing a book, winning a championship, or achieving any other goal, we put pressure on ourselves to make some earth-shattering improvement that everyone will talk about. Meanwhile, improving by 1 percent isn’t particularly notable—sometimes it isn’t even noticeable—but it can be far more meaningful, especially in the long run.”

In the first few months of the year, many of us reflect on what happened the year before and imagine a new year where new habits replace less helpful ones. However, after some weeks these resolutions drop away, and it seems as though we are back to doing what we have always done. What I loved so much about Atomic Habits is the author, James Clear, outlines four practical and straightforward strategies we can all use to make lasting improvements in our lives.

1. Make it obvious.

2. Make it attractive.

3. Make it easy.

4. Make it satisfying.

He dives into each of these strategies in Atomic Habits. I highly encourage you to purchase a copy of this book. I believe it can help all of us make small and lasting improvements in our own lives and it can help us better understand how to help our students create positive and enduring habits. Helping our students develop helpful habits early in their lives can help them in profound ways. James Clear has also made available online a bonus chapter that outlines how to apply the concept of Atomic Habits to parenting. You can download a copy here.

Design Thinking

I first became enamored with the field of innovation and design thinking when I began working at The Nueva School in the fall of 2009. Nueva is a progressive school based in the Silicon Valley with a strong emphasis on project-based learning, entrepreneurship, innovation and design thinking. Many of the parents at the school are innovators and entrepreneurs in the Bay Area and choose the school because of the focus on creativity and design.

Nueva school built an "iLab" (short for Innovation Lab) which opened in 2007. The school also introduced design thinking to the children and faculty, and systematically went about preparing teachers and students to be more innovative, creative, empathic, and solution focused. During my time at the school, I fell in love with the design thinking process and saw what a transformational effect an innovation space, coupled with a design thinking mindset, could have on children.

Stepping into the world of design thinking can feel perplexing at first. Suddenly terms and names like design thinking, iteration, David Kelly, Tim Brown, prototyping, iterate, d.school, IDEO are used, and this can leave people feeling puzzled and paralyzed.

Once you dive into the five stages of design thinking, empathize, define, ideate, prototype, and test, you quickly realize the power and application for school leaders. Using the stages of design thinking has helped me discover ways to solve problems collaboratively and allowed the faculty to see problems from multiple viewpoints. Design thinking also steers people from looking for the one "right answer" and allows for prototyping and iterating in a vast number of domains.

I would highly recommend you read Tim Brown's article, "Design Thinking," published in Harvard Business Review in June 2008. This article brought the concept of design thinking to a broader audience. It was also the precursor of Tim Brown's incredible book Change by Design.

Gamestorming in Schools

While working in San Francisco I attended a workshop called "Gamestorming” hosted by two user interface designers from Google. The session was based on a book entitled Gamestorming: A Playbook for Innovators, Rulebreakers, and Changemakers written by Dave Gray, Sunni Brown, and James Macanufo.

I made a point of attending the workshop because I felt that meetings should be more worthwhile than the traditional meeting where attendance was pretty much the whole point. And, generally speaking, the takeaway from those meetings could have been communicated in a more straightforward and timely manner.

I really wanted to do something in meetings that would be innovative, break down barriers, and help unlock the creative potential of my colleagues and students. As it turned out, the Gamestorming workshop exceeded my expectations and completely transformed the way I conducted and structured meetings.

The book that served as the basis of the workshop is filled with simple but truly revolutionary techniques of visual thinking that companies like Google use to solve problems and encourage innovation. I've had fun and achieved amazing results using these intriguing techniques—such as affinity-mapping, graphic jams, who-do, 5 why's, 4 c's, and more. I highly recommend the book and the Gamestorming approach to facilitate meetings that really matter.  

For a concise and excellent video introduction to Gamestorming watch the video below.

Inbox Zero

If you speak to a wide range of people, from CEOs to lawyers, teachers, and stay-at-home parents, and ask them what causes them a lot of stress in their day-to-day lives, there is a high likelihood that they will all say email. Countless articles have been written and studies have been conducted on how email causes stress and how it has an adverse effect on people's health.

The purpose of this post is to introduce you to the concept of "Inbox Zero" and let you know that there are simple steps you can take to manage your email, so it does not cause so much stress and instead help you feel calm and in control.

One of the most important things that highly successful people have learned to do, including school administrators, is dealing with a high volume of email. I would argue that being able to manage a tremendous amount of email is crucial to just about any career. Many people's careers have been hindered because emails have "slipped through the cracks."

The three things that successful people have learned are:

1. Change their email mindset.

2. Create two email folders: one called "Action" and the other "Archive."

3. Process their email regularly.

If you want to be more successful and reduce your stress, the first thing you need to do is change your email mindset. Most people see their email inbox as a large bucket where they keep all their emails. They intermittently check their email during the day but do not have a systematic way of dealing with it. So things get lost, and emails pile up.

I challenge you to look at your email as you would the mailbox at the front of your home. In many circumstances, your email inbox has replaced your physical mailbox. Imagine every piece of physical mail you received you kept in your mailbox. Every time you needed some mail, you would simply go back and rummage through your mailbox until you found what you're looking for. This is how most people manage their email. You all realize that you need to empty and process your physical mail regularly. Email is the same.

The second thing you need to do is create two folders. One you will call "action" and the other you will call "archive." This is all you need. You don't need 150 different folders to keep your emails in. All email clients have exceptional search capabilities, so you do not need an elaborate filing system. You simply make a folder for emails you need to respond to and a folder for emails that you want to keep.

The third and most crucial part of managing emails is where the magic happens. You need to process your emails regularly. Each time you check your email, your goal should be to get your inbox down to zero. After processing your email, there should be nothing left in your inbox. This does not mean you have to answer every email each time you check it.

When you receive an email, you need to make a decision about what you need to do with it. There are only five actions you can take when you get an email.

One. You delete it
Two. Archive it
Three. You delegate it
Four. You do it (you answer it right away if it takes two minutes or less).
Five. Defer it (move it into your "action" folder).

The first four steps of deleting, archiving, delegating, and doing make the most sense. However, deferring is what often gets people confused.

I process my email every day with the goal of getting the inbox to zero. I move any emails that I cannot answer at that moment into my "action" folder.

At any one time, I might have between 20 and 60 emails that I need to answer. However, by processing my email, I am clear what I need to respond to, and the ones I need to reply to are not lost in a sea of other emails. I will then carve out time to answer the emails in my action folder and periodically process my inbox, so I know what I need to do.

By making these three small changes of changing your email mindset, creating two email folders and processing your email regularly, email will shift from being something that causes you stress and anxiety to a tool that can help you do your job more easily and communicate more efficiently. I challenge you to try the steps I have outlined in your own life. I guarantee that if you follow the steps, it will make an incredible impact on your well-being and peace of mind.

If you want to learn more about the concept of Inbox Zero, read the book Getting Things Done, mentioned in an earlier post and watch the Inbox Zero presentation given by Merlin Mann at Google. This video changed my life and made me drastically more productive. 

Empowering Children to Navigate the Pandemic with "Ordinary Magic"

COVID is posing unparalleled challenges for children worldwide. From disrupted routines to increased stress and uncertainty, young minds are being affected. In these trying times, the work of renowned psychologist Dr. Ann Masten and her book "Ordinary Magic: Resilience in Development" offer invaluable insights and strategies to help children cope with the pandemic's impact.

Dr. Ann Masten's expertise in childhood resilience is particularly relevant as we navigate the complexities of the pandemic. Her research highlights the innate capacity of children to bounce back from adversity and the crucial role of protective factors in fostering resilience. These factors include supportive relationships, adaptive coping skills, and a positive sense of self.

Masten's concept of "ordinary magic" can serve as a powerful framework to help children cope with the pandemic's challenges. By nurturing caring relationships and creating a supportive environment, parents, caregivers, and educators can provide the stability and emotional support necessary for children's well-being.

Encouraging resilience-building activities, such as engaging in hobbies, practicing mindfulness, and fostering a sense of belonging, can empower children to navigate the pandemic with strength and adaptability. By acknowledging and validating their emotions, offering reassurance, and maintaining open communication, adults can help children process their experiences effectively.

Dr. Ann Masten's work and her book "Ordinary Magic" offer practical guidance for helping children deal with the impact of the pandemic. By understanding the power of resilience and implementing strategies to foster it, we can support children in navigating these challenging times. Together, through nurturing relationships, providing stability, and promoting coping skills, we can empower children to face the uncertainties of the pandemic with strength and resilience.

The Upside of Stress

Recently, I learned to reframe how I think about stress by reading The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It by Kelly McGonigal. McGonigal writes, “Stress and meaning are inextricably linked. You don’t stress out about things you don’t care about, and you can’t create a meaningful life without experiencing some stress.”

The concepts in the book also remind me of one of my favorite quotes, which I think about when things become difficult. “Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don't wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don't wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom”― Jim Rohn.

I find myself drawing on some of the strategies I learned as I am about to start my new role at Davidson Day School. Being an educator can be extremely stressful and draining at times, and it is amplified with so much uncertainty in the world right now. Learning how to reframe stress could drastically help improve the emotional health of your schools, especially during really challenging times.

McGonigal’s message clearly resonates with a lot of people. Her fifteen-minute TED talk below has been viewed over ten million times on www.ted.com!

Recognizing

During our first Lower School Community Meeting of the year our faculty modeled how to run the event. I stood at the back of the room and smiled like the Cheshire Cat as I soaked in the moment. My colleagues’ incredible care and thoughtfulness put me completely in the moment, which was the perfect segue into my short talk at the end of the Community Meeting.

We started implementing the RULER program at Lake Forest Country Day School in the fall of 2017. This program aims to help the children recognize their emotions and the emotions of others. By slowing down and “recognizing” our emotions, we also learn to notice and appreciate the beauty, love, and delight that surrounds us.

It is common to rush through our days and not notice all the gifts we have in our lives. If we stop, just for a moment, and notice, we will see the spectacular. I was recently reminded of an experiment highlighted in a Washington Post video that I saw a few years ago, and I shared it with the children.

The Washington Post asked violinist Joshua Bell to play in a Washington, D.C., subway to see if people would stop and listen. “No one knew it, but the fiddler standing against a bare wall outside the Metro in an indoor arcade at the top of the escalators was one of the finest classical musicians in the world, playing some of the most elegant music ever written on one of the most valuable violins ever made.”

More than a thousand people walked by, and only a few stopped to listen. The vast majority did not notice that they were witnessing a once-in-a-lifetime moment. I explained to the Lower School students that extraordinary things can pass us by every day if we don’t take the time to notice them. I said their homework for the week (which they did not have to hand in!) was to simply be aware of all the amazing things around them. I encourage you to do the same. Try to capture a few moments each day and notice the truly magical. It’s amazing how easily exceptional moments can pass us by.

Unstructured Free Play

One of the many extraordinary traditions at Lake Forest Country Day School is the Robbie Bermingham Speaking Contest. There are usually ten finalists from across the middle school who present the most incredible speeches on a range of different topics to the School community. This year’s speakers were inspiring, and one speech has been resonating with me as we step into the summer. Sixth-grade student Noa Paige delivered a speech entitled Treasuring Childhood.

During her talk, Noa Paige discussed the significance of children expressing their authentic selves and the importance of unstructured free play. She stated, “Without unstructured play children become nervous and anxious in real-life situations when there isn’t enough structure. The result is these kids grow up without being able to express their own authentic selves.”

As we begin the summer, it is important that we find engaging and thought-provoking activities for our children. However, it is equally important to ensure that they have a healthy dose of unstructured free play. Unstructured free play is one of the greatest and most important aspects of childhood. The ability to play, discover and explore make some of the best childhood memories.

I have been reflecting a lot on how short childhood is and how the roots of a happy life are planted during times of freedom and discovery. I suggest taking a few moments as summer begins and deliberately look for ways for your children to have unstructured free play during the summer. The memories that they create during these moments will last a lifetime and, as Noa Paige reminds, it will allow them to, “express their own authentic self.” 

Self Advocacy

A critical communication skill our students will need throughout their adult lives is the ability to advocate for themselves and manage challenging conversations. During their time at LFCDS, children are taught a variety of ways to navigate difficult situations. For example, when a young child doesn’t know what to do after a classmate snatches a toy from them, a teacher will help facilitate a conversation, modeling the language they could use. This modeling continues throughout their time at LFCDS, and we continually work with students to help them find their voices in challenging situations.

When Dr. Lisa Damour, author of Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood worked with the LFCDS faculty after her public lecture, she discussed four different ways children typically deal with conflict. She labeled these approaches “Bulldozer” (aggressive/hostile), “Doormat” (passive/submissive), “Doormat with Spikes” (passive-aggressive/manipulative), and “Pillar” (standing up for themselves while respecting others).

Helping our students respond to conflict as “pillars” becomes increasingly important as they enter adolescence and adulthood. Many of us were never taught how to navigate challenging situations ourselves and can inadvertently give advice that might make the situation worse for our children.

If that is the case, how can we help our children navigate conflict? One of the most important things a parent can do is learn how to manage challenging conversations. There are numerous books on the topic, but one title that parents can benefit from is Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen.

One of the most powerful tools outlined in the book is “Finding the Feelings Lurking Under Attributions, Judgements, and Accusations.” The skill is subtle and one that requires ongoing refinement, but once developed, it significantly improves a child’s ability to communicate effectively. The authors state that a common mistake people make when expressing feelings is they translate them into judgements about other people. Children might say, “I told them how I felt. I told them they were mean and not a good friend.” Note that this statement is mainly about the other person and not about how the individual expressing it feels. More accurately expressing their own feelings might sound more like this: “I felt sad when you played with other people during recess and did not ask me if I wanted to play.”

Stone, Patton, and Heen accordingly write, “The difference between judgements about others and statements of our own feelings is sometimes difficult to see. Judgements feel like feelings when we are saying them. Unfortunately, that person probably isn’t sure what we are feeling, and more importantly, is focused on the fact that we are judging, attributing, and blaming.”

Learning to communicate thoughtfully during difficult times is a skill all children (and adults) can benefit from. By enhancing our ability to communicate thoughtfully during challenging conversations and providing helpful guidance when our children need it, we will empower them with valuable tools to help them thrive throughout adulthood.

Managing Emotions

One of the most inspiring things about working at Lake Forest Country Day School is that we are always looking to improve the School so we can better meet the needs of our students. Not only do we look to the field of education for best practices, but we also read research on human performance, child development, leadership, psychology, and productivity so that we can prepare our students in the best possible way for the future ahead of them.

The more we study modern and historical figures who have a profoundly positive impact on the world, the more it becomes apparent that many of these people have the same things in common; they can manage their emotions and think clearly in highly stressful situations. Whether these people are surgeons, athletes, lawyers, engineers, CEOs, political leaders, or entrepreneurs, they often talk about how one of the keys to their success is to be emotionally nimble and emotionally intelligent.

Susan David and Christina Congleton, in their 2013 Harvard Business Review article entitled "Emotional Agility," discussed how important emotional awareness is to successful leadership.

“Effective leaders don’t buy into or try to suppress their inner experiences. Instead, they approach them in a mindful, values-driven, and productive way—developing what we call emotional agility. In our complex, fast-changing knowledge economy, this ability to manage one’s thoughts and feelings is essential to business success. Numerous studies, from the University of London professor Frank Bond and others, show that emotional agility can help people alleviate stress, reduce errors, become more innovative, and improve job performance.”

Knowing that managing emotions is one of the keys to leading a fulfilling life, we began investigating the best approach we could implement across LFCDS that would positively impact our students. Our journey, led by our social worker brought us to the RULER program developed at Yale University. We were fortunate enough to send six colleagues to Yale over the summer to be trained in RULER. These colleagues came back and trained the rest of the faculty and staff during our opening meetings, so that we were able to begin implementing RULER at the beginning of the school year.

We have been thrilled with the initial introduction of RULER. We have learned a lot as a faculty and staff and believe this program will have a profound impact on our students and the broader LFCDS community. RULER is an acronym that stands for recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating one’s emotions.

We feel extremely fortunate to be able to bring Marc Brackett, the lead developer of RULER and Founding Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, to LFCDS to talk to our community and then work with the teachers on Tuesday, September 26. His talk is entitled “Educating the Whole Child: A Community Conversation on Emotional Intelligence." I have watched a number of Marc’s presentations on YouTube. He is an engaging and insightful speaker, and we are excited that he is visiting LFCDS.

Living Purposefully

I particularly love the summer here in the United States. There is such a focus on being with family and enjoying the company of loved ones without many of the distractions that normally permeate our lives. The greatest thing in my life is being a husband and father so having time dedicated to my family is truly a gift.
 
If someone asked about the main priority in my life, my family would instantly come to mind. How we spend our time is often a greater indicator of our priorities than what we say. I recently heard a fascinating interview with Richard Eyre, a prominent author on topics of family and parenting. The following quote has led me to reflect on how I approach my role as a father and husband, compared to my role as a school administrator:
 
“We speak a lot to entrepreneurs and to CEOs of companies and when you ask them for their business mission statement, or vision statement, or their pro forma, or their goals they’ve got it right on the tip of their tongue. When you say, “What are your goals with your family?” There is kind of a glazing over and there is sort of a, “Well I don’t know, I just want to be a good dad, I just want to be a good parent, I just want to be a good husband.” Well no one would say that in answer to a business question. “What’s your goal for your company?” “Well I just want to be a good CEO, you know, I just hope things go well.” You need to have the same kind of planning and effort and goal setting and execution in your own home that you do in a business that is really succeeding.”
 
As we shift from plentiful time with family, back to the intense commitments most school leaders have, I encourage you to reflect on whether it would be helpful for your family to establish clear values, a mission, and goals, as most businesses and schools do.
 
To get started, work with your family to create a list of your top twelve family values or principles. Focus on one each month, and take steps as a family to discuss and embody this value. The process of determining your family's values or principles can be powerful. It can help guide decision making, especially during difficult times. Having this clarity could have an incredible impact on your family, your school and the broader community.